Positive or negative?

Are you surprised to read the title? Well, I just want to share about my experience in rearing my children. We (my hubby and I) always try to use positive reinforcement in rearing our children. We try to combine the Eastern and Western way by using what we think the best that can suit our children. But most of the time, we use the methods that we have picked up from our parents. (apa lagi, pukul la kalau degil sgt).

Nowadays, there are a lot resources that parents can refer to that offer advice in parenting skills. However, I believe each child is unique and we can't use the same method on our children. I myself have tried to update my knowledge in teaching, educating and rearing my children even before I got married. (dah memang ambik TESL, ada subjek "Education Psychology" dan memang dah belajarla sikit2 pasal teori2 mengajar).

Most behaviourists suggested that we use positive reinforcement in teaching our children. Somehow it's quite hard to be positive especially when we are stress. Now let me give some examples based on my experiences of guiding behaviours of my children.

1. My daughters were fighting over a same toy. Tini said "It's mine!" and her sister said "Mine!". So, I went over and told them to share or take turns. But both of them didn't want to cooperate. I chose to take away the toy until they were ready to share or take turns. What do you think? Is it positive or a negative reinforcement?
2. Tini (my eldest daughter) accidently peed on a carpet in our living room after it was too late for her to go to the toilet. As usual (it was not the first time), I was upset and I spank her and lifted her to the toilet. So, positive or negative?
3. Fizah (my youngest daughter-at least for the time being , hehe) likes to push her big sister. She is physically bigger than her sister although they are about 2 years apart. Everytime she pushes her sister, I have asked Tini to say, "Stop, don't push me!". But it will never work. As a result, I have to intervene everytime that happens and I have to split them or bring one of them to a different area or spot. So, is this positive?
4. I always use dvds to make sure that they can sit quietly in front of tv and watch their favourite dvs. In other way, it's like using dvds as my babysitter when I'm busy cooking, cleaning or washing. I know that The Supernanny wouldn't approve that but I don't have any other choice. I don't have the luxury of time to do the household chores only when they are napping as they don't really take nap anymore in the afternoon. So, this one is definately negative, right?

There are other examples but I can't recall them now. I know that it's not easy to be a parent let alone being a good parent. I'm doing my best to fulfill my role as their mother. I used to think that it's not difficult to take care of children as I helped my late mum to take care of my siblings. (I have five younger brothers and two younger sisters).

Kelahiran yang dinanti

Tanggal 26 May 2009, lahirlah seorang bayi lelaki di buni asing, Fukuoka, Jepun. Kelahirannya memang dinanti-nanti oleh kedua ibu bapa dan seluruh ahli keluarga yang lain. Bayi tersebut adalah anak saudara pertamaku. Aku amat gembira apabila mendengar berita kelahirannya. Dia telah diberi nama Shafiq Nazhan oleh bapanya.

Kenapa aku begitu teruja dengan kelahirannya? Aku dan adikku Yati, sememangnya begitu rapat. Walaupun semasa kecil kami selalu berselisih faham, kami menjadi kawan rapat apabila masing-masing telah dewasa. Kami berkongsi segala masalah, suka dan duka.

Di saat aku melahirkan anakku yang pertama, aku amat bertuah kerana arwah ibuku berada di sampingku. Adikku Yati pun masih bertuah kerana ibu mertuanya ada di sisi menemaninya. Cuma aku dapat bayangkan, dia tentu inginkan ibu sendiri berada di sisi. Namun umur ibu kami tidak panjang dan kami perlu menerukan kehidupan tanpa ibu di sisi. Seandainya aku mampu, aku teringin mengisi kekosongan yang ditinggalkan oleh ibu. Tetapi aku tidak mampu melakukannya untuk kesemua adik-adikku seramai tujuh orang. Aku juga sudah ada suami dan anak-anak yang juga memerlukan perhatianku.

Aku yakin yang adikku Yati, akan menjadi seorang ibu yang baik kerana dia sememangnya sukakan kanak-kanak. Sejak kecil, Yati suka melayan kanak-kanak. Aku juga berdoa yang dia akan lebih berbahagia dengan kehadiran puteranya yang akan menyerikan lagi rumah tangganya. AMIN.

Breakfast Day in Peachgrove Playcentre.

Yesterday (21 May 2009), we had a nice day in Peachgrove Playcentre. (well we go to the playcentre three days per week and always have nice time there). The theme was Breakfast Day and everyone wore their pyjamas to the centre. We had plenty of food that we could choose. There were cornflakes, weetbix, rice bubbles, porridge, toast and the special French Toast made by Jody. We enjoyed eating breakfast with our friends.
Iniatially I wanted to make some fried bananas or banana bombs (goreng pisang la tu atau pun cekodok or bahasa kelate panggil Jeput). But I ran out of bananas so I jsut managed to bring Marmite and rolled oats. Well, maybe I can do it next time. Some kids play roles as Three Bears like in the story of Goldillock and three bears.
Fathini and Hafizah were happily play at the playdough table and made their own cookies and cakes using the playdough. Then, they decided to play outside at the playground area. Next, they drew on a black board using some colourful chalks. I wrote the theme on the board and later, Fathini and Aisya (a new friend who was visiting) decided to wipe all the drawing on the board with wet cloths.
I'm happy that we could have different experinces here and I hope that we can apply some of the ideas when we go back to Malaysia. Who knows I might be able to have my own kindergarten! hmmmmm.

Mari Mengajar dan Belajar.

Kali ini buat pertama kalinya, saya nak menulis dlm Bahasa Melayu. Dah lama tak menulis dalam bahasa ibunda. Kalau tengok tajuk tu, macam tajuk Filem Buatan Malaysia kan, kan. Sebenarnya, saya nak menyeru kepada semua ibubapa di luar sana supaya mengajar anak2 sendiri dan belajar dari mereka.

Sebenarnya saya pun bukanlah orang yang arif dalam bidang ni. Tetapi saya rasa kita sebagai ibubapa adalah orang yang terdekat dengan anak2. Sepatutnya kita boleh mengajar anak2 sendiri. Bila saya katakan mengajar, tak semestinya kita perlu duduk di meja atau perlu ada papan hitam. Kita boleh mengajar anak2 di mana2 sahaja tentang apa2 sahaja yang menjadi minat anak2.

Biasanya anak2 yang berumur 3 tahun ke atas akan mula memerhatikan keadaan sekeliling dan akan mula becok menanyakan pelbagai soalan. Anak saya sendiri selalu ada soalan jika dia tidak faham sesuatu situasi atau memang dia ingin tahu tentang sesuatu. Saya rasa kita perlu memupuk minat anak2 dan jangan sesekali menyekat perasaan ingin tahu mereka. Saya sedar dalam budaya Melayu, anak2 di ajar supaya hormat dengan orang tua dan mereka tidak dibenarkan menyampuk cakap orang tua. Tetapi, kadang2 tanpa kita sedar kita telah menyekat anak2 kita untuk menjadi seorang yang yakin pada diri sendiri dan tidak takut untuk bertanya.


Saya ada pengalaman mengajar pelajar2 di Universiti Sains Malaysia. Selama hampir 5 tahun, saya dapat membandingkan pelajar2 Melayu dengan bangsa2 lain. Pelajar2 Melayu di universiti tempatan sebenarnya ada potensi tetapi kebanyakannya tidak mempunyai keyakinan diri apabila perlu bercakap di hadapan orang2 lain. Apabila ditanya kenapa, mereka menyatakan mereka malu dan tidak mahu ditertawakan jika mereka membuat kesilapan. Saya rasa perkara ini ada kaitan dengan cara pembelajaran mereka sejak mereka kecil. Saya tidak ada kajian yang boleh saya kaitkan di sini untuk membuktikan dakwaan saya.

Kita sebenarnya bertuah kerana kita mempunyai pelbagai teknologi dan alat yang boleh membantu kita sekarang. Sumber2 pengajaran juga senang didapati. Jadi saya rasa sepatutnya tidak ada lagi alasan untuk kita tidak menagajar anak2 sendiri. Kita juga perlu belajar dari anak2 sendiri kerana dengan cara itu, anak2 akan merasa bangga dan yakin dengan diri sendiri.

Saya boleh memberikan beberapa webites yang berguna. Antaranya www.starfall.com, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page dan mcm2 lagi.

What I couldn't do to my mum.

I couldn't listen to her voice,

I couldn't ask her advice,

I couldn't make her something nice,

I couldn't pay for her sacrifice,

Not anymore,

How I wish I had done all of those,

Well maybe I had almost,

What I could do is cherish the memories with her,

I could pray for her,

I could tell my children about her,

I could share stories about her,

I could dream about her,

As there is as very special place for her,

Deep in my heart,

Though I couldn't remember did I tell her,

How much I love her,

How much I appreciate her,

How much I need her,

This Mother's Day,

I couldn't wish her anymore,

But I shouldn't stop thinking about her more and more.

P/S: I dedicated this poem to my late mum who died June last year (2008). I reckon those who have lost their parent/parents can relate to this too. I had some ideas about writing up a poem about my late mum on the last Mother's Day and this is the end-product.

I'm not like 'Martha Stewart'.

You must be wondering why I chose that title. Well, I'm actually want to share my frustrations in my quest to be a perfect housewife. (Is a perfect housewife really exist?).
Since I came to New Zealand, I started to be a housewife, a stay-at home-mum, a chef(in our kitchen), and a cleaner. I didn't really feel happy to embrace my new roles but I didn't have any other choice. (I still have no other choice until now but I will when we go back to Malaysia).
Unlike Martha who is so talented and has the ability to cook perfect meals, decorate the whole house,make different kinds of crafts and the list can go on and on, I'm quite ordinary. I know how to cook but I'm not really good in presenting the food. I know how to make some crafts by getting some ideas from magazines or internet but the crafts didn't really turn out the way it should be. I like to decorate my house but since we are still renting this house, I don't really want to decorate it so much.
I always waiting for some kind of recognition from my family members for what I've done. But my hubby thinks that it's quite absurd to praise me everytime I've cook his favourite dish, done something nice to our house and other things. My daughters are still small to understand about praising. I don't know why I need some reassurance for my work. Maybe it's the same feeling you have when you have done a good job at work. You need your boss to recognize your good work.
Interestingly, now the more I watch Desperate Housewives, the more I tend to compare myself to them. I want to like Bree but I don't want to have the same desperations like her. I also can relate myself to Lynette, as she was a career woman before she had her children. They have become desperate when their surrounding forced them to change their personalities. However, I don't want to be as desperate as them because I don't want to be a bad Muslim. (hmmmmmmm I think I am deviating myself a bit here).
What I can do now is trying harder as I think nobody is perfect.At least, I have the drive to try and try until I succeed. I hope that it won't be too long from now before I can go back to work.

Visiting Kelly Tarlton's Underwater World & Auckland Museum.

On 19 April 2009, my family and I went to Kelly Tarlton's Underwater World and Auckland Museum. (dah lama my hubby janji nak bawa berjalan2. Akhirnya dia bawa juga masa cuti sekolah). First we went to Kelly Tarlton. It's kind of similar to Aquaria KLCC. But the main attraction here is the collections of Penguins that they have. It was not that hard to find the place. (Sebenarnya aku yg jadi navigator n ada juga tersilap bg instructions sekali sekala tapi akhirnya jumpa juga tempat ni). The place is not that big but I think it's quite cool as it was really the whole place is actually situated underground.

First we need to pay (mmg le kena bayar kalau dtg tempat mcm ni) at the counter. Then, a photographer snapped our photo. We could buy the photo at the gallery before we went out of the place. We went inside and the first thing we could see was Penguins! But it was not upclose as we had to go inside a snowcat ride to see the Penguins. We notice a fake turltle and some fish. We also saw some pictures of the founder of the place: Kelly Tarlton. We also
saw Scott's Hutt. They recreated the same hutt that Scott & his crew members used when they was on their Antartic Exploration. (ada la bunk beds, meja kayu lama dgn kerusi, alat2 yg diaorg guna, piano yg automatically main lagu2. mcm berhantu pulak. hehe).
As we went further, we saw a kid corner, a big tank that has huge stingrays and some fish, an aquarium of hermit crabs and a small cafe selling sandwiches, coffee and some souvenirs. Then, we spotted the place where we could go and see the Penguins upclose! (bukanla upclose sampai boleh pegang2 Penguins tu. Cuma boleh tengok dekat jugala dr snowcat ride tu. Lps tu dlm tu sejuk jugak. Cuma maybe tak sesejuk South Pole). We snapped a lot of Penguin photos as it was the first time we saw real Penguins. The ride ended half an hour later. Then, we had a break. We ate sandwiches that we brought from home as we can't eat the sandwiches there. (tak halalla sbb mesti ada bacon or ham).





Next, we watched stingrays being fed. It was fascinating as the person looked so cool and she could talk even when she was busy feeding stingrays. Then, it was time to see different kind of fish under a tunnel. We just have to stand on a moving escalator. (sorry I'm not sure what is it called. terukkan my vocab.malunya!). My eldest daughter was screaming and crying as we went under the tunnel. She was intimidated by the background sound and she refused to enjoy herself looking at Sharks, big fish and other sea creatures. Then, it was almost at the end of the journey as we entered the gallery. I decided to buy some souvenirs. So, I chose some key chains and fridge magnets. Then, I saw our family photo. At first, I didn't want to purchase the photo as it was $35. But then, what the heck. I grabbed the photos and paid at the counter. I didn't mind to spend some money as I thought it was the best souvenir!.Then we left the place with some sweet memories.

We headed to Auckland Museum next as it was only about 11 o'clock when we left Kelly's. Once again, I had to be the navigator. (sesat juga sampai terpaksa pusing kat highway. mula2 my hubby dah tak nak pergi. tapi bila kitaorg semua merajuk2 jugak, dia terpaksa pusing dan cari jln lain). At last, we found the museum. The scenery surrounding the museum was so beautiful. It was situated in a Botanical garden. We spent about 11/2 hour to explore the museum. We went to the Pacific Culture exhibition and the WWW2 exhibition. The were other exhibition, but we need to pay to see the other exhibitions. By 3 o'clock we were tired and starving. (perut masing2 dah mula berbunyi mcm lagu seperti keroncong, asli, rap, pop, r&b dan mcm2 lg). So, we decided to go out and had our lunch on the grass outside of the building. From the place we were seating, we could see Auckland Tower and some other tall buildings. After we have finished eating, we headed home. (mula2 nak singgah sembahyang kat Papatoetoe, tapi tak jumpa pulak masjid tu. last sekali sembahyang kat Masjid Hamilton. haha).

It's Autumn again.

It is May 2009. It's Autumn again here in New Zealand. It's my third time of experiencing autumn. (bukan best sgt pun sbb dah start sejuk & banyak daun luruh dan sokmo keno sapu daun2.huhu). The day has become shorter. SO, less time of having the sun light.(bayangkan pkl 5.30 dah maghrib) Coming from the country that has the same length of daylight throughout the year (Malaysia), has made me wonder how do people cope with this kind of thing. I feel that I have to rush to do everything in a short period of time. However, it has forced me to reshedule everything. I'm actually a person who like to organize my work. Well, not that I want everything to be perfect but at least it' easier for me.

Maybe talking about season (Autumn) is not an interesting topic.(What do you think?). But this is my first entry here, that's all I could think of. Next time, I'll try to share more interesting stories.