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Saturday, May 30, 2009

Positive or negative?



Are you surprised to read the title? Well, I just want to share about my experience in rearing my children. We (my hubby and I) always try to use positive reinforcement in rearing our children. We try to combine the Eastern and Western way by using what we think the best that can suit our children. But most of the time, we use the methods that we have picked up from our parents. (apa lagi, pukul la kalau degil sgt).

Nowadays, there are a lot resources that parents can refer to that offer advice in parenting skills. However, I believe each child is unique and we can't use the same method on our children. I myself have tried to update my knowledge in teaching, educating and rearing my children even before I got married. (dah memang ambik TESL, ada subjek "Education Psychology" dan memang dah belajarla sikit2 pasal teori2 mengajar).

Most behaviourists suggested that we use positive reinforcement in teaching our children. Somehow it's quite hard to be positive especially when we are stress. Now let me give some examples based on my experiences of guiding behaviours of my children.

  1. My daughters were fighting over a same toy. Tini said "It's mine!" and her sister said "Mine!". So, I went over and told them to share or take turns. But both of them didn't want to cooperate. I chose to take away the toy until they were ready to share or take turns. What do you think? Is it positive or a negative reinforcement?
  2. Tini (my eldest daughter) accidently peed on a carpet in our living room after it was too late for her to go to the toilet. As usual (it was not the first time), I was upset and I spank her and lifted her to the toilet. So, positive or negative?
  3. Fizah (my youngest daughter-at least for the time being , hehe) likes to push her big sister. She is physically bigger than her sister although they are about 2 years apart. Everytime she pushes her sister, I have asked Tini to say, "Stop, don't push me!". But it will never work. As a result, I have to intervene everytime that happens and I have to split them or bring one of them to a different area or spot. So, is this positive?
  4. I always use dvds to make sure that they can sit quietly in front of tv and watch their favourite dvs. In other way, it's like using dvds as my babysitter when I'm busy cooking, cleaning or washing. I know that The Supernanny wouldn't approve that but I don't have any other choice. I don't have the luxury of time to do the household chores only when they are napping as they don't really take nap anymore in the afternoon. So, this one is definately negative, right?
There are other examples but I can't recall them now. I know that it's not easy to be a parent let alone being a good parent. I'm doing my best to fulfill my role as their mother. I used to think that it's not difficult to take care of children as I helped my late mum to take care of my siblings. (I have five younger brothers and two younger sisters).

1 comment:

KambingBujang said...

there is no right or wrong in educating and teaching our kids the correct rules. however, we need to believe that, each kids is unique and believe that our way of educating them is the best, biar pn org ckp xelok. :D